If you had told me a year ago that I would be sitting here with a broken engagement, I would have never believed you. To begin with, I would have never believed I would have found someone and secondly, I would have hoped that after being single for 33 years and longing for marriage and children for so long that God wouldn’t allow me to go through the heartbreak of an engagement not working out.
I was wrong.
After trying to make it work for a second time, my fiancé and I broke up last week. The engagement ring is sitting in a box on my dining room table waiting to be mailed to him. A part of me wants it out of my house because it brings me pain to look at it, to think of it sitting there, a symbol of dreams that have died. At the same time, there’s another part of me that doesn’t want to let it go because letting it go means completely letting go of the relationship, a journey I don’t want to take, but one God is asking me to.
I prayed before this relationship began that if it wasn’t supposed to happen that God wouldn’t even let it start. It is because of that I know without a doubt that there is some reason our lives intersected, that there is some reason we fell in love only to have it not work out.
I could spend hours trying to figure out that reason, but honestly, I may never know.
The one thing I do know is that God is asking me to trust Him. He showed me a glimpse of my Promised Land and now He's asking me to turn around and go back into my desert of singleness.
He's asking me to trust Him whether or not my dreams come true.
He's asking me to trust that His plan and His ways are good regardless of how I feel.
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. -Romans 8:28 (NIV)
So through the pain and the shattered dreams, I cling to His words because they are truth.
A friend shared this song with me this week: I'm gonna fix my eyes on all that You are, 'til every doubt I feel deep in my heart grows strangely dim ... May we always remember to turn our eyes upon Jesus.